Killings Fields of Choeung Ek

In an effort to be a tourist in Phnom Penh, I have been going to different tourist "hot spots" in and around the city the past couple of weeks.  One of the places I knew I wanted to dedicate an afternoon to was the Killing Fields of Choeung Ek.  It's about a 45 minute tuk tuk ride outside of the city, but well worth the visit as it is beautifully done and pays tribute to the thousands of victims who died there. 

 

The memorial park at Choeung Ek has been built around the mass graves of many thousands of victims, most of whom were executed after they had been transported from the S-21 Prison in Phnom Penh.  They have a really well done audio tour provided with admission which adds to the ambiance of the memorial as everyone is silent as they walk around and listen to the tour.  

As you walk around the memorial, you can see pieces of clothing that have come to the surface after a heavy rain.  It is a constant reminder that so many people were murdered and buried on this sacred ground.  There is even a sign asking visitors to get a memorial employee if you spot teeth or other bone fragments that have surfaced.  I think the hardest thing for me to see was the "Killing Tree," which I had heard about in one of the books I read about the Khmer Rouge before arriving in Cambodia.  This tree is mentioned in multiple accounts as being a place where Khmer Rouge soldiers would literally bash young babies and children against the tree, murdering them.  Can you imagine?  When the compound was raided after the defeat of the Khmer Rouge, there were still fragments of bone, blood, and brain matter on the tree.  As horrific as that is to write, I think it's important to know that it happened.  The audio tour also talks about the large amount of women's bodies found next to the tree where mothers were buried with their murdered children.

I have a hard time comprehending this.  How do people become so violent and hateful that they murder babies by slamming their heads against a tree? How does a group of people, over the course of four years, kill between 1.5-2 million people in the most atrocious and inhumane ways.  I just can't fathom.  And it makes me wonder, how am I so lucky to have grown up in a safe country where no violence or harm has even come close to affecting me personally?  I mean, when I really stop and think about what happened here, how do you even move on and live again after surviving something like that?  Again, I just can't. 

And I have noticed since arriving in Cambodia that the effect of the Khmer Rouge is still quite evident today.  Families are missing large numbers of people.  Aunts, uncles, cousins, sisters and brothers....just gone.  People suffer from mental health issues, PTSD and depression run rampant.  All the intellectuals were killed during the genocide, so the legal system and economy and government and education system all suffered and are still struggling to catch up. 

Genocide hurts, it breaks my heart.  I believe in the good of people, and genocide shatters that for me.  Violence and murder and rape and famine.  These are things I constantly wrestle with in my prayers.  I get mad & angry & cry & shake my fist at God, asking Him if He is so good....why was THIS so bad.  Where was God during in all that?  And I don't have the answers and I never will.  But I do think it's okay to ask questions of God and struggle with the hardness of life. 

And it's okay to let things break your heart a little bit.  

Mass grave

Excavated mass graves



Where they place the bone fragments that surface.

The Killing Tree

The Memorial

s t u f f

In the past few days, I have found myself on multiple online shopping sites...Loft, Anthro, Ann Taylor.  I keep getting all these e-mails enticing me with all these offers of "50% OFF ALL ITEMS" or "20% off gorgeous Anthropologie bedding." I honestly considered buying a set of sheets for my bed....THAT I WILL NOT SLEEP IN FOR ANOTHER 11 MONTHS.  Houston, we have a problem.

Stuff.  Man, can I just be honest for a hot minute and confess that I am a lover of "stuff."  It's been challenging coming to Cambodia with only two suitcases in tow; I have about a 14 outfit rotation that is going to make up my wardrobe for the year.  I also have a sparse scattering of books & pictures & other personal items that make my room feel like mine. And it's hard. 

Coming to Cambodia, I have realized how much I love stuff and how dependent I am on creature comforts.  I miss my iPhone that allows me to peruse the internet at my leisure; I miss my entire air conditioned apartment.  I miss my collection of 50+ shoes and unlimited jeans, sweaters, shorts, and jackets.  I miss my two book shelves full of beautiful photograph books & interesting biographies & light-hearted fictional stories.  I miss Netflix and a microwave.  I miss Target and being able to find everything I need (and often more) in one place.  I miss my antiques & my knickknacks & my photo albums & my junk. 

Sometimes I miss it so much that I cry. I cry from being exhausted & feeling unsettled & out of my comfort zone. 

I've been really blessed to work in an environment that provides space each morning to journal, read the Bible, and pray.  And through this daily practice, God has been teaching me a lot about "stuff." I've prayed a lot about the kind of treasure that is important to me, is it the treasure on this Earth that will remain here and rot and rust and not matter or do I want to invest in bringing Heaven to Earth and storing up my treasure in Heaven? I Timothy 6:10 says, "For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil.  And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows."   

I don't want my paycheck or the type of car that I drive or the amount of name-brand clothing in my closet to be the sum of me.  I don't want to be defined by my stuff.  Rather, I want to be intentional about cultivating a content heart.  Am I serving on a daily basis?  Am I loving others deeply?  Am I living in community with people who are teaching me and giving me space to grow in a mature and healthy way?  And I'm not saying money is bad or unimportant because Lord know it definitely is useful and necessary, but too much emphasis has been placed on this idea that money buys happiness.  And it's a big-time lie. 

So, I've decided that although I do want a good paycheck & steady job & a savings account to one day buy a house or travel to places I dream about, I really want the treasure in my life to be people, to be experiences, to be long conversations over endless cups of coffee.  I want my treasure to be my friends gathered around a table laughing and sipping red wine.  I want healthy relationships with family & friends & someday someone special.  I want my treasure to be sitting on a front porch with a good book in my hand and a beautiful sunset to enjoy.  I want to be in awe of God's creation and in love with the possibility of what life has to offer.  There is so much good in this world.  I want to taste it, feel it, see it. 

So my prayer is that each of us are challenged in our daily life to live more simply and not be defined by our "stuff". 

Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum

Last weekend I decided to do a little sightseeing in Phnom Penh.  I'm learning my way around the city, but I still haven't really explored and been a tourist, so I wanted to start seeing the sites.  I only had a few spare hours in the afternoon so I decided to head to Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum.  Since working at the ICTR and learning so much about the Rwandan genocide, I knew this was something I wanted to see.  Although it's not the easiest thing to see, I knew it was a significant period of Cambodian history and would teach me a lot about this place I am calling home for the net year.

It is definitely one of those places that feels heavy as soon as you walk through the entrance.  It's like your body and all its senses can tell something tragic & horrific & utterly indescribable happened in that place.  Tuol Sleng is a former high school which was used as the notorious Security Prison 21 (S-21) by the Khmer Rouge regime from its rise to power in 1975 to its fall in 1979.  Tuol Sleng means "hill of poisonous trees."  It was only one of at least 150 execution centers in the country, and as many as 20,000 prisoners there were later killed. Overall, it was hard to see but I'm glad I saw it.

Below are the pictures I took from my visit.



Pictures of prisoners who died at S-21

Where the cells were located. 



Tiny, cramped cells where prisoners were held. 

Weekend in Bangkok

Two weeks ago I got to take my first trip, and it was exciting.  We left early on a Thursday afternoon and headed to the airport to catch our late afternoon flight to Bangkok.  We had a three-day weekend, and I had a visa run to make so it was the perfect opportunity to head somewhere fun for the weekend.  The great place about my community here in Cambodia is there is always a travel buddy (or buddies in this case).  Pretty much as soon as I mentioned heading to Bangkok for my visa run, I had two quick volunteers who graciously offered to fly to the big city, sightsee, and eat an incredibly huge amount of Thai food.  

We arrived in Bangkok on Thursday evening, checked into our amazing (but incredibly cheap...perhaps because of recent political issues in Bangkok? oh well!), and headed out to find the famous Thai street food.  We started with some meat on sticks (is there anything better than just grilled meat on sticks, I'm thinking no) then graduated to a $1 noodle bowl with some kind of chicken concoction in it.  I have to say Thailand has some of the most amazing food I've ever tasted while traveling.  I felt like we ate all weekend.  Not to mention there was a Starbucks and McDonalds located right down the road, so we started every morning there.  It's funny what you crave in a foreign country because I honestly couldn't tell you the last time I had a McDonald's breakfast in the US.  Oh well, it was delicious and totally hit the spot in Bangkok, so cheers to McMuffins! 

On Friday (which was also a Buddhist holiday), we headed to do some sightseeing at some famous temples and sightseeing spots. We visited some amazing temples, had some great food, and just enjoyed wandering all over the old part of the city.  It was also photography heaven.  

The Royal Palace and Wats

Wat Phra Kaew

Really beautiful, intricate details on the temples. 



Wat Pho.  This is a giant golden reclining Buddha.  It was literally so huge. 



Please note my amazing outfit.  I had to rent a skirt and wear my coat.  Buddha likes conservatively dressed women, so I had to oblige. 



Street Food.  Shrimp Pad Thai.  YES, PLEASE.

Wat Arun



These stairs were incredibly steep.  It was quite the excursion to the top. Also, this is my new friend Shaz, the former Legal Intern who is staying for a few extra months.  She is super fun and really amazing.

Picture with the temple. 



I'm from Kentucky, y'all.  I gotta take pictures with a horse if I see one!

After sightseeing for the entire day, we decided to go to a movie at the mall.  First of all, it has to be made clear that Asians love malls.  Seriously, they are always super crowded, and these malls are nicer than anything we have in America.  The movie theatre is also pretty extravagant.  For example, for $30 you can sit on a reclining soft, with a blanket, get a free massage and unlimited popcorn/wine/champagne while watching a new movie.  And while we didn't splurge on this (mostly because it was the Buddhist holiday so we couldn't do the all-you-can-drink-champagne which would have been the best part anyway), we did check it out.

On Saturday, we went to the Jim Thompson house.  He was an American who started producing Thai silk products.  He loved Thailand and moved there permanently.  He combined like 6-something traditional Thai houses into one big house surrounded by lush gardens into his permanent home.  He mysteriously disappeared one day while visiting Malaysia and no one knows what happened to him.  It's kinda weird, very conspiracy-theory-ish.  Google him, it's kind of fascinating.  But anyways, his house has become a huge tourist stop just because it's super relaxing and an absolutely beautiful display of a traditional Thai home and gardens.  It was a morning well spent.



Spirit House.  Whenever you build, it's important to have a spirit house so the spirits you are disturbing have a place to live.  You see these everywhere in Thailand and Cambodia and probably everywhere else in SE Asia. 

Enjoying some fresh fruit smoothies at the cafe.  Delicious. 

After leaving the Jim Thompson house, we went to Terminal 21 which is a huge Bangkok mall that has multiple stories with each designed to look like a different international city.  They have Rome, London, Tokyo, Paris, San Francisco.  It is huge and super fancy and ever the BATHROOMS are decorated to match the theme.  It was amazing to walk around in and air-conditioned which was important since it was boiling hot in Bangkok.  I also bought my first "Asian-y" item.  See the picture of the fabulous, quirky shoes I bought below.  Bright, cartoonish things are very popular in Asia, so my shoes are very fashionable.  I thought they were adorable, and while I'm not sure how much I'll wear them in normal life back in the US, they were $9 and I couldn't resist.

After leaving the mall, we walked around and enjoyed another night of Thai street food.  I indulged in some kind of coconut curry with noodles.  YUM.  We finished the night at a rooftop bar on one of the skyscrapers in Bangkok.  All in all, another fabulous day in Bangkok.



Street market full of food vendors. 



Coconut chicken curry with noodles.  YUM.



Cutest shoes ever.  I'm sure Jess from "New Girl" would totally rock these.

On Sunday, we just slept in, had more McDonalds and Starbucks, then headed to the airport which ended up being a total cluster.  But atlas, we arrived back in PP late Sunday afternoon.  Good weekend in Bangkok.  I'm glad I went, don't know if I'll go back, but am enjoying the life of a traveler these days nonetheless.

Settling

"The world is a book and those who do not travel only read one page."  St. Augustine

I read this quote a few years ago, and remember writing it down in my journal, circling it, underlining it, going over it in yellow highlighter.  Have any truer words ever been spoken?  The world truly is a book, with every chapter giving you more adventure, tears, laughter, understanding, and self-reflection.  The lessons I've learned about humanity & about myself & about God throughout my years of travel are invaluable and innumerable.  And traveling has become a part of my DNA, coiled together with all the other parts that make me, me.  That after being in one place for an extended period of time, I feel this sense of urgency to get out of my comfort zone, to embark on something new, to meet new people and try new foods, to find myself lost and frustrated and finally found again.

Cambodia.  Sometimes when I say it & let it roll around on my tongue, it still blows my mind that I'm finally here.  It truly is an incredible place.  Gritty, beautiful and tragic (mostly because of the light my work has shed on this place) all at the same time.  But I'm loving it and doing my best to feel comfortable with it which isn't always easy.  Life is good though and full of community.  And for the first time, I feel excited to go to work.  I feel like my work matters, that my education and those long years of grinding out papers, briefs, and outlines have finally paid off.  I'm prepared (as best as I can be) and am ready to have my heart split open & spill all over my paper, to work for something that matters, to bring Heaven to earth for children being exploited in Cambodia.  To play a part, a very small fleeting part, but a part nonetheless, in the incredible work International Justice Mission does.

So that's my update.  Happy & content & missing home & full of peace.  And incredibly thankful for a God who is teaching me so much and allowing me to have this opportunity.

First Week in Cambodia

Hello Friends and Family!  Greetings from Phnom Penh, Cambodia.  I have finally arrived and am starting to get my bearings, mind you slow but surely.  Time to update you on all that has happened in the last week.

I left Lexington early on Wednesday, June 25.  It was pretty tough.  I had spent the previous days saying goodbye to best friends then spent the last evening my mom and dad.  We made a lot of last minute Target runs as well as stuffed in last minute items into my already overpacked suitcases.  Bright and early on Wednesday, we headed to the airport.  We enjoyed some Starbucks coffee and time as a family.  It was pretty tough saying goodbye to my parents; I've been working with my Dad and am incredibly close with my Mom so the idea of not seeing them with any kind of frequency was sad.  There were lots of tears, lot of promises to email/Skype/text, and finally I left their warm embraces and headed into the security line.

The flight over was LONG.  I think it was my longest flight to date.  I went from Cincinnati to Chicago, to Seoul, then finally Phnom Penh.  I watched approximately 7 movies (none of which were particularly good unfortunately) and got maybe two hour of combined sleep.  I arrived in Phnom Penh on Thursday, June 26, at 10:30 pm.  After getting my luggage, applying for my visa and going through customs, I was greeting by three co-workers from the office.  It was a sight for sore eyes seeing some familiar faces (well semi-familiar, from FaceBook at least).  We quickly loaded up my bags and hit the road because they were in a hurry to get to one of the local sports bars to watch the US play Germany in the World Cup.  I tried to jump right in which kept me from being overwhelmed and homesick.  I got to meet some other people from the office and other NGO's in PP so it was an nice time.  When I finally got back to the apartment, it was around 1 am, and I was EXHAUSTED.

I slept in the next day, then headed into the office late afternoon to meet everyone and tour the office. The office is amazing, both the Cambodian national staff and ex-pats working in the office have been so welcoming.  I only stayed for about a hour, then it was off to Kep for the weekend with about a dozen girls.  Another intern from the office had emailed prior to my arrival asking if I'd be interested in going to the coast for a weekend trip immediately after arriving.  Since I definitely want to travel as much as possible while in SE Asia, I decided it would be fun as well as a great opportunity to meet the girls from the office as well as friends from other organizations who would be joining too.  Kep is located on the coast, and it is beautiful.  It's very lush and tropical.  We got great a great deal on some bungalows, and just relaxed the whole weekend.  We went on a beautiful hike Saturday morning, laid by the pool, ate some amazing seafood, and watched the sunset go down at a quaint little restaurant called "Sailing Club."

Here are some pictures from the weekend.



Our Hotel



The bungalow we stayed in complete with AC.  So important!



The hotel had 8 bungalows surrounded by lush greenery.  So gorgeous. 



Lounge area overlooking the hotel and bungalows.



Our view.  That's the ocean in the distance.  Swoon.



Again, the view. 



Swanky pool.  Very refreshing and much needed after our hike. 

Hiking in Kep National Park.

A view from the hike, you could see forever.

Lime Soda.  Tonic water, fresh lime, and simple syrup.  My favorite Cambodian food item so far.  It's the most refreshing thing in the whole entire world and I will drink this for the rest of my life.  Seriously, for the rest of my life.

The local food consists primarily of fresh seafood, and in particular, crab.  They season it will local pepper which is grown in a town close to Kep called Kampot.  It's delicious and amazing and fresh and I could eat it all day.

"Sailing Club" lounge area.  We enjoyed some drinks as the sun went down.

The incredibly beautiful pier and wild sea.  

After returning from Kep, I settled down into my apartment and prepared for my first week of work.  I am currently living with 3 other interns from work, and will be at least staying here until September.  They leave throughout the next few weeks, so my living situation is going to change in September.  I'm just going to wait and learn the area to decide what I want to do when that time comes.  I'd like to stay in this apartment because it's incredibly cheap but that also means I'd have to find 3 new roommates which could be challenging.  I also might want to move to a more "western" apartment that feels a bit brighter and more like home.  But for right now, this works and it's cheap so I'll take it.   Work is also going really good, although I haven't really done anything except listen to training sessions and read research.  The research is pretty disgusting and eye-opening but vital to the work our office does in Cambodia so it is good to start getting familiar with the culture.  But really other than reading, I didn't do much with respect to work.  I'm sure that will change as I get settled, but I'm happy to take it slow and soak it all up.

It's also rainy season here which means a few times a day we experience absolutely torrential downpours.  Yesterday was my first experience with flooding streets.  It was crazy.  Literally, streets turned into rivers, and there was at least 6 inches of standing water for about an hour.  The traffic still flies through it as though there isn't 6 inches of water.  It's crazy.

Tuk Tuk ride through a downpour.  

Anyways, Happy 4th of July.  Tomorrow I will be going to the US Embassy for the 4th of July Party so I should have more to blog later this week.