s t u f f

In the past few days, I have found myself on multiple online shopping sites...Loft, Anthro, Ann Taylor.  I keep getting all these e-mails enticing me with all these offers of "50% OFF ALL ITEMS" or "20% off gorgeous Anthropologie bedding." I honestly considered buying a set of sheets for my bed....THAT I WILL NOT SLEEP IN FOR ANOTHER 11 MONTHS.  Houston, we have a problem.

Stuff.  Man, can I just be honest for a hot minute and confess that I am a lover of "stuff."  It's been challenging coming to Cambodia with only two suitcases in tow; I have about a 14 outfit rotation that is going to make up my wardrobe for the year.  I also have a sparse scattering of books & pictures & other personal items that make my room feel like mine. And it's hard. 

Coming to Cambodia, I have realized how much I love stuff and how dependent I am on creature comforts.  I miss my iPhone that allows me to peruse the internet at my leisure; I miss my entire air conditioned apartment.  I miss my collection of 50+ shoes and unlimited jeans, sweaters, shorts, and jackets.  I miss my two book shelves full of beautiful photograph books & interesting biographies & light-hearted fictional stories.  I miss Netflix and a microwave.  I miss Target and being able to find everything I need (and often more) in one place.  I miss my antiques & my knickknacks & my photo albums & my junk. 

Sometimes I miss it so much that I cry. I cry from being exhausted & feeling unsettled & out of my comfort zone. 

I've been really blessed to work in an environment that provides space each morning to journal, read the Bible, and pray.  And through this daily practice, God has been teaching me a lot about "stuff." I've prayed a lot about the kind of treasure that is important to me, is it the treasure on this Earth that will remain here and rot and rust and not matter or do I want to invest in bringing Heaven to Earth and storing up my treasure in Heaven? I Timothy 6:10 says, "For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil.  And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows."   

I don't want my paycheck or the type of car that I drive or the amount of name-brand clothing in my closet to be the sum of me.  I don't want to be defined by my stuff.  Rather, I want to be intentional about cultivating a content heart.  Am I serving on a daily basis?  Am I loving others deeply?  Am I living in community with people who are teaching me and giving me space to grow in a mature and healthy way?  And I'm not saying money is bad or unimportant because Lord know it definitely is useful and necessary, but too much emphasis has been placed on this idea that money buys happiness.  And it's a big-time lie. 

So, I've decided that although I do want a good paycheck & steady job & a savings account to one day buy a house or travel to places I dream about, I really want the treasure in my life to be people, to be experiences, to be long conversations over endless cups of coffee.  I want my treasure to be my friends gathered around a table laughing and sipping red wine.  I want healthy relationships with family & friends & someday someone special.  I want my treasure to be sitting on a front porch with a good book in my hand and a beautiful sunset to enjoy.  I want to be in awe of God's creation and in love with the possibility of what life has to offer.  There is so much good in this world.  I want to taste it, feel it, see it. 

So my prayer is that each of us are challenged in our daily life to live more simply and not be defined by our "stuff".