reflecting on 26

So, as many of you know I turned 27 this week.  *Side note, thanks to all of you who sent me sweet well wishes on my birthday and throughout the week, I feel so blessed by all the wonderful people in my life.**

Anyways.  Being closer to 30 rather than 20 is definitely weird.  I was not the most excited or comfortable with the increase in number initially.  However, after some reflection, I realized 26 was pretty amazing.

I learned a lot this year.  Like a lot, a lot.  It was crazy & fun & hard & bittersweet in so many ways.  Unfortunately (but actually fortunately), 25 ended with some heartbreak.  Oscar Wilde is quoted with saying, "I think it's very healthy to spend time alone.  You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person."  And ya know what, I couldn't agree more Oscar.  I have spent most of my teenage and young adult life in relationships, always a part of a duo, a twosome, never alone.  And while I've been blessed to have dated some really fantastic guys, I never got to know my own heart.  So 26 was the year of independence and figuring out the nooks and crannies of my own heart.  I wanted to spent time reading & listening & praying & figuring out who I am because I think it's important that I get to know these little pieces of myself before someone else could attempt to understand it too.

And you know what I've discovered?  I really like me.  Yeah, I know I might not always say the right thing or ask for forgiveness when I should or stop talking and just listen at the right time, but I'm not perfect.  And for the first time in my entire life, I'm giving myself grace.  So I'll say it again, I'm not perfect, and these days I feel no pressure to be.  I gave myself time with pain and tears and lonely nights; I wrestled with hard questions about my faith & my future & my place in this world.  And for the first time in a long time, God spoke and I listened.  I heard the promises from a loving Father telling me that I am good enough; that I was created to do good; and that no matter how many times I fail & make the biggest mess, God's grace is sufficient.  

And so with 26 and now 27, I'm more myself.  I feel wiser & steady & strong & courageous.  I am embracing community & choosing love.  Forcing myself to be alone and sit though those still nights without any distractions has been a hard discipline.  I'm an extrovert and I despise being alone.  It's hard.  And to be honest, I was also afraid of who I was.  I was afraid of the things God would reveal to me about my character.  And although there have definitely been tough moments of figuring out what character flaws need to go and all the ways I have miles and miles of ground to improve upon, God's grace is sufficient, of that I'm confident.  I can definitely continue to grow, but at the end of the day, I am a child of God, created in the Father's image, and His grace is freely given, without me having to do or fulfill or be anything else.  I'm so thankful for the year alone.  I'm thankful that I'm more aware of who I am.  I'm thankful that God has spoken to me with truth and love.  I know what I want.  I know the ways I don't need to act anymore.  And I know that God is going to continue to draw me close. So I'm alone, but I'm not...I've never been alone.  I look back on my path & see God's presence in the happy moments & the ones that still bring stinging tears to my eyes.  You see, God has been there all along.     

It's also worth mentioning that I have been blessed with the best group of family and friends in the entire world.  What God takes away, He gives back ten fold.  And year 26 was a year that I embraced community fully and realized that I have a net of friends and family who are worth more than gold.  Last fall, I needed companionship and friends who would surround me and love me unconditionally, even when I was hurting & sad & lacking direction.  I developed new friendships; I got involved in community activities that were fun; and I became rooted in a faith community that gave & loved & accepted me.  I saw God over steaming hot plates of Mexican & cups of coffee & homemade cookies right out of the oven.  I felt God and heard His voice in moments where I laughed so hard I cried or when a friend confided in me or in late night knocks on my doors from silly friends who just wanted to hang out.  God is good, and if you look...not even hard, but just open your eyes, He is in our midst.  He's in my Mom & my friends & the ladies in my small group & my lovely high schoolers at church & the sweet little lady who rings me up at the grocery.

Another thing I chose in 26 was to pursue something I'm passionate about.  Since college, I've cared deeply about human rights & the poor & the vulnerable.  Rob Bell writes, "Life is not about toning down and repressing your God-given life force.  It's about channeling it and focusing it and turning it loose on something beautiful, some thing true and pure and good, something that connects you with God, with others and with the world."  Can I be honest for a second?  I was scared as hell when I got the e-mail from IJM telling me I was accepted to be a Legal Fellow in Cambodia.  My entire life has been about choosing what's easy and what's expected.  I went to law school which was probably expected since my Dad is an attorney.  I went straight into the family business which was probably expected because why wouldn't I want to work there and climb the ladder to senior partner some day. Why would I ever give up a good salary and good benefits in a place that was familiar and comfortable?  But that scary moment when I mustered all the courage I had in this little body of mine, I told my Dad I was leaving.  I stated with shaky confidence that I had decided to move to Cambodia, the place furthest from home, a place I knew would be hard and uncomfortable to do some really difficult, life-changing work.  So here I am, a year later living in Cambodia and loving it and struggling in the messes of life.  It's not easy.  It's. Not. Easy.  I've cried at their stories, literally laying my head down on my desk and allowing the tears to come & come & come.  I've seen sickening pornography.  I've seen the pictures of the used condoms & the dirty beds & the perpetrators who destroy lives.  I've touched & seen & experienced tragedy first hand. I've read their sweet names and wondered what they were like before someone exploited them.  I've seen their innocent faces. I've seen lives destroyed & I've seen hope flourish & the human spirit rise above horrendous circumstances and soar.  I can't even tell you the things I've seen that I can never un-see.  But I am doing work that is good & true & hopefully in some small way brings Heaven crashing into earth.  I feel connected to God, in a deep and intimate way.  He is my strength and quite literally the lifeline that allows me to take a breath after reading one story after another.

So what I'm trying to say is that 26 was a good year, my friends. Good and hard, but good is sometimes hard.  God never intended life to be easy, but He did intend that I grow.  And every day, I pray that I look more like Jesus and less like the messed up person who deserved death on a cross instead.  So as I embark upon 27, I'm thankful for these truths that I've packed away and am carrying with me always.

I've learned (and am continuing to learn) to love myself.

I've learned to embrace community.

And I'm doing something that is so, so good.

It is well with my soul friends.

It's not easy & I cry a lot & I miss you all, but His grace is sufficient...so don't you worry about me.  

Tokyo, Japan

We arrived in Tokyo at 7 am on Tuesday, September 23, ready for another 4 days of exploring this huge city.  We fueled up on some Starbucks coffee (we have great coffee in Cambodia, but the fact that Starbucks tastes the same all across the world is comforting when you are living abroad for a year) and hit the pavement in search of our hostel.  After about 15 or so minutes of confusion in the non-English friendly train station, we finally figured out our route and heading towards our neighborhood for the week, Asakusa.  We were exhausted when we arrived, and decided to stay close to the hostel so when check-in time arrived, we'd be close and able to rest before dinner.  Luckily, we stayed in a great, touristy area that provided a full afternoon of exploration.  First up, we visited Tokyo's oldest and most significant temple, the Senso-ji Temple which is a Buddhist temple.  It was beautiful and bustling, tons and tons of visitors were snapping pictures, paying for offerings, and burning incense.  We walked around for about a half an hour, just taking in the sights, sounds, and people before heading out to find a place to eat.  



Senso-ji Temple



People burning incense.

After lunch, we headed toward the Tokyo Sky Tree which is the tallest structure in Japan as of 2010.  It's a broadcasting tower, restaurant and observatory.  We inquired about going to the top, but were told it would be a 2 hour wait.  As I'm not one for heights, I wasn't super disappointed we decided to forgo to the sights at the top in order to explore some more of the area.  It wasn't a complete waste to walk over the Sky Tree as we found an amazing park with a HUGE slide.  Rather than let the kids have all the fun, Victoria and I both climbed the tall stairs to the top of a big steamboat-look-alike structure and gave the slide a try.  It was pretty fun!  And we got to take some cool pictures in this reflective mirror that captures the Sky Tree right behind the park.  Such a cool, artistic space in the middle of Tokyo.  Just another example of those great treasures you find when exploring on foot!



Art Park Fun 



Tokyo Sky Tree.  It's huge!

We wrapped up day one of Tokyo with some incredible food...soba noodles.  Japanese food is incredible.  It is the best thing about Japan probably.  Literally everything we ate was delicious.  We spent most lunches at 7-11s or other types of grab-and-go places just picking things off the shelf that looked yummy.  Most of the time, we weren't exactly sure what we were buying, but 9 times out of 10, we were super happy with what we ended up with!  Okay, back to the soba noodles.  We ate at this amazing, traditional Japanese soba noodle place that's been around for about 50 years.  It's very traditional in the sense that you take your shoes off at the door then sit on the floor.  We went all out on our first night in the big city, eating huge bowls of noodles, split a giant beer and a large pitcher of sake between the two of us.  We may or may not have felt a little giggly when we left :) But when in Japan....right? It was such a fun experience; there was even a geisha eating a few tables away.  We chatted, stopping every few minutes to comment on how DELICIOUS the food was, and lingered and planned the rest of the week.  It was such a fun experience.  Definitely a great start to the Tokyo leg of the trip.  



Sake and delicious Japanese beer.



My dinner companion.

Cold soba noodles with fresh seaweed.  YUM.

Day two in Tokyo was spent at the sumo wrestling tournament.  The sumo experience might have been my favorite Tokyo experience; thus, it deserves a post of its own.  We spent the day off and on at the sumo tournament, so in between we took in a few sites around the city.  Primarily, we spent most of that free time wandering around the tree space at the Royal Palace and gardens.  Living in Phnom Penh, one can feel a little deprived of fresh air and green grass so we knew while we were in Japan, we wanted to take in a lot of natural places...gardens, parks, etc.  We walked around the park for a while then took our shoes off and walked barefoot through the giant lawn.  We even laid down in the grass for a bit.  After returning to the sumo tournament for the evening matches, we left and decided to explore the Akihabara district which is essentially the electronics district of Tokyo. It's bright lights and lots of stores with tvs, cameras, speakers, etc.  We walked around (not super impressed might I add), then ducked into a tiny sushi joint that was packed.  This was the best decision we made on the entire trip.  We ate at this place twice and made quite the impression on our cute, little Japanese sushi chefs.  Although there was an language barrier, the chefs made us all kinds of new things and gave us their recommendations.  We ate our WEIGHT in sushi and spent about $10 each.  It was the best sushi of my entire life.  They also served miso soup with fresh seaweed which was incredible.  It was rainy and chilly that night so holding that warm bowl of soup was perfect.  It was so cozy and intimate inside the restaurant, and it was definitely one of the best parts of the entire trip.




Some of the sushi we enjoyed.



The sushi was fresh from the Tsukiji fish market. Yummmm



Working on our sushi.



Egg sushi, avocado sushi, and squid sushi. 

On Thursday, we dedicated a day to explore DISNEY TOKYO!  We were pretty exhausted from hustling around cities on public transportation so we decided a full day in one place sounded kinda nice.  I'm so glad we dedicated a day to Disney Sea; experiencing Disney in an Asian culture is fascinating.  EVERYONE was decked out in Disney/Mickey.  People had to have spent hundreds of dollars on merchandise; people had the ears, t-shirts, hoodies, Mickey gloves, and giant plastic characters that were actually popcorn tubs.  It was hilarious.  We stuck out because of our LACK of Disney apparel.  It was also interesting that there were wayyyy more adults than kids at the park.  Disney Sea was pretty amazing.  I didn't do a good job of taking pictures that day, but we did manage to snag a picture with some Minnie ears.  We got there at around 10 am and left at around 9:30 pm.  It was a long day, but super fun, random, and hilarious.  A day well spent.

On our last day, we just walked and walked in some electric and fun neighborhoods.  We started in Harajuku which is where the young ins' in Japan go for their crazy, cartoonish fashion.  We walked and people watched and shopped.  We found a few things and enjoyed just looking in the stores.  Japanese fashion is really edgy and crazy. I absolutely love people watching and Tokyo is one of the best places to do that!  We then headed over to Shibuya crossing which is the business intersection in Tokyo.  We sat up in a Starbucks that overlooked the crossing and watched the lights changed for about 30 minutes.  Every time the lights change, a couple hundred people walk across the street in all directions.  It is incredible!  I know this sounds super lame, but it was so fun to watch.  There is no one there, then there are A MILLION PEOPLE, then they are all gone on their separate ways.  Finally, we ended back up at our favorite sushi restaurant to chow down on one last glorious meal of sushi.



Harajuku Fashion



Crazy clothes in Harajuku



Shibuya Crossing

Overall, Victoria and I loved Japan.  I felt like we did so much but only saw the tip of the iceberg.  I would love to return to Japan one day.  It's one of my favorite countries that I've visited!  

Kyoto Japan

I just returned from Japan on Sunday, and I have so, SO much to tell you about my trip!  First things first, Japan is amazing.  The weather was cool and crisp, the people were warm and friendly, and the food was always delicious and plentiful. I had toyed with the idea of going to Japan before leaving for Cambodia, but wasn't sure if I would actually go through with it since it is on the more expensive end of the spectrum with respect to places-to-travel-in-Asia.  However, compared to coming from the US, it was so affordable.  We also stayed in hostels, used public transportation, and ate cheap grab-and-go lunches from small convenience stores most days. 

Another intern at IJM and I were discussing travel one day on a previous trip, and when I mentioned possibly going to Japan over the September holiday, she asked if she could come along.  Thus, the trip became more of a reality as it is always more fun to travel with a friend than alone!  We booked our flight and hostels a few months back, and have been anxiously awaiting the Pchum Ben holiday in Cambodia (three day holiday meaning I only had to use two vacation days to have a full week in Japan...yippie!).  We decided to explore two of the main cities in Japan...Kyoto and Tokyo.  We allocated two days to Kyoto and four days to Tokyo. 

On Saturday, September 20, we headed to Japan.  We arrived in Osaka, but only stayed the evening, leaving first thing Sunday for Kyoto.  Kyoto is about a 45 minute train ride from Osaka and is the old Japanese capital.  When you think of "old-school" Japan...you are imagining Kyoto.  The two days we spent in Kyoto were an absolute whirlwind.  The first thing we did was explore the Fushimi Inari-taisha Shrine which is maybe one of Japan's most famous sites.  It was made famous in the movie "Memoirs of a Geisha"  (ya know, the part at the end of the movie where she is running through the orange tunnels).  It is almost 4 km of orange tunnels of torri gates to walk through and goes straight up a mountain.  It's a beautiful climb.  Along the way, there are smaller shrines and great lookouts over the city.  We also stopped along the climb for some shaved ice.  I opted for the green tea flavored shaved ice, and it was one of the most delicious treats I had during the trip. 



Entrance to Fushimi Inari-taisha Shrine



Sake Offerings



Torii Gates



Posing



This is Victoria, my fellow adventurer!



Smaller shrines scattered throughout the walk.



Green Tea shaved ice.  Sooooo much yumminess.



Strawberry and Green Tea shaved ice.



Delish

After leaving Fushimi Inari Shrine, we headed to another shrine in Kyoto called Kiyumizudara Temple ("water temple").  It is a Buddhist temple and a UNESCO world heritage site, so of course it was stunning.  The biggest attraction at the temple is the Otowa waterfall which is believed to have wish-granting powers if you drink from it.  Unfortunately, the line was very long so Victoria and I opted not to take a drink. 

After a full day of visiting temples and sightseeing, we headed to Gion district which is the geisha district of Kyoto.  Yes, geishas still exist, and they are beautiful.  There are many people who dress up in geisha attire (tourist trap), but you can definitely spot the real ones.  They are stunning and just carry themselves with such grace.  We walked around for a while and decided to grab a bite to eat.  We have been really spoiled in Cambodia with the locals ability to speak English.  However, Japan is a totally different story; very few Japanese speak English and none of the signs and very few menus are in English.  After wandering for what seemed like forever, we finally went into a small ramen restaurant in a winding, narrow alley.  They were two counters and a half dozen stools.  We couldn't communicate with our cook, but were able to make it clear that we wanted food, particularly their best selling dish.  I'm still unsure of what we actually ate; it was some variation of ramen, but it was absolutely delicious.  They tried to chat with us, but we ended up just laughing and smiling and bowing a lot to them.  They did understand that we loved the food so I guess that's all that matters.



All in Japanese!



Yummy Ramen.



Our Cook

Day two in Kyoto was just as packed as the first day.  There were so many beautiful things in Kyoto, and we tried our best to see as much as we could before moving on to Tokyo.  First, we headed to Kinkaku-ji (better known as the "Temple of the Golden Pavilion").  It was stunning.  It is a Zen Buddhist temple with beautiful, meandering gardens around it.  The day was gorgeous with not a cloud in the sky which provided excellent photographs.  Seriously, it looked fake.  Next, we headed to the Arashiyama area to see another temple and explore the bamboo forest.  We went to Tenryuji Temple which is another Zen Buddhist temple.  It is also a UNESCO World Heritage site.  We sat inside the temple looking out into the garden for quite a while, then meandered around the gardens.  It was so peaceful and relaxing, I almost didn't want to leave.  When we finally forced ourselves to leave the Temple, we walked through the Sangano bamboo forest.  The forest covers about 6 square miles.  It is absolutely beautiful.  There is a trail that goes through the forest that tourist can walk on.  It's incredible to walk through and look high above your head into the bamboo.  Pictures just do not do it justice.  



Temple of the Golden Pavillion



Bamboo Forest 

After a full day of sightseeing, we met some of Victoria's friends for dinner.  She has a few friends from university that are teaching English in Japan.  It was great to meet some new people.  Plus, they were more experienced in Japanese food so they ordered for us at the restaurant and introduced us to some pretty amazing food.  All in all, it was a great two days in Kyoto.  After dinner, Victoria and I caught the night bus to Tokyo which got us into the city bright and early on Tuesday morning.  I would love to go back to Kyoto and found it to be my favorite city of the two.