Killings Fields of Choeung Ek

In an effort to be a tourist in Phnom Penh, I have been going to different tourist "hot spots" in and around the city the past couple of weeks.  One of the places I knew I wanted to dedicate an afternoon to was the Killing Fields of Choeung Ek.  It's about a 45 minute tuk tuk ride outside of the city, but well worth the visit as it is beautifully done and pays tribute to the thousands of victims who died there. 

 

The memorial park at Choeung Ek has been built around the mass graves of many thousands of victims, most of whom were executed after they had been transported from the S-21 Prison in Phnom Penh.  They have a really well done audio tour provided with admission which adds to the ambiance of the memorial as everyone is silent as they walk around and listen to the tour.  

As you walk around the memorial, you can see pieces of clothing that have come to the surface after a heavy rain.  It is a constant reminder that so many people were murdered and buried on this sacred ground.  There is even a sign asking visitors to get a memorial employee if you spot teeth or other bone fragments that have surfaced.  I think the hardest thing for me to see was the "Killing Tree," which I had heard about in one of the books I read about the Khmer Rouge before arriving in Cambodia.  This tree is mentioned in multiple accounts as being a place where Khmer Rouge soldiers would literally bash young babies and children against the tree, murdering them.  Can you imagine?  When the compound was raided after the defeat of the Khmer Rouge, there were still fragments of bone, blood, and brain matter on the tree.  As horrific as that is to write, I think it's important to know that it happened.  The audio tour also talks about the large amount of women's bodies found next to the tree where mothers were buried with their murdered children.

I have a hard time comprehending this.  How do people become so violent and hateful that they murder babies by slamming their heads against a tree? How does a group of people, over the course of four years, kill between 1.5-2 million people in the most atrocious and inhumane ways.  I just can't fathom.  And it makes me wonder, how am I so lucky to have grown up in a safe country where no violence or harm has even come close to affecting me personally?  I mean, when I really stop and think about what happened here, how do you even move on and live again after surviving something like that?  Again, I just can't. 

And I have noticed since arriving in Cambodia that the effect of the Khmer Rouge is still quite evident today.  Families are missing large numbers of people.  Aunts, uncles, cousins, sisters and brothers....just gone.  People suffer from mental health issues, PTSD and depression run rampant.  All the intellectuals were killed during the genocide, so the legal system and economy and government and education system all suffered and are still struggling to catch up. 

Genocide hurts, it breaks my heart.  I believe in the good of people, and genocide shatters that for me.  Violence and murder and rape and famine.  These are things I constantly wrestle with in my prayers.  I get mad & angry & cry & shake my fist at God, asking Him if He is so good....why was THIS so bad.  Where was God during in all that?  And I don't have the answers and I never will.  But I do think it's okay to ask questions of God and struggle with the hardness of life. 

And it's okay to let things break your heart a little bit.  

Mass grave

Excavated mass graves



Where they place the bone fragments that surface.

The Killing Tree

The Memorial

s t u f f

In the past few days, I have found myself on multiple online shopping sites...Loft, Anthro, Ann Taylor.  I keep getting all these e-mails enticing me with all these offers of "50% OFF ALL ITEMS" or "20% off gorgeous Anthropologie bedding." I honestly considered buying a set of sheets for my bed....THAT I WILL NOT SLEEP IN FOR ANOTHER 11 MONTHS.  Houston, we have a problem.

Stuff.  Man, can I just be honest for a hot minute and confess that I am a lover of "stuff."  It's been challenging coming to Cambodia with only two suitcases in tow; I have about a 14 outfit rotation that is going to make up my wardrobe for the year.  I also have a sparse scattering of books & pictures & other personal items that make my room feel like mine. And it's hard. 

Coming to Cambodia, I have realized how much I love stuff and how dependent I am on creature comforts.  I miss my iPhone that allows me to peruse the internet at my leisure; I miss my entire air conditioned apartment.  I miss my collection of 50+ shoes and unlimited jeans, sweaters, shorts, and jackets.  I miss my two book shelves full of beautiful photograph books & interesting biographies & light-hearted fictional stories.  I miss Netflix and a microwave.  I miss Target and being able to find everything I need (and often more) in one place.  I miss my antiques & my knickknacks & my photo albums & my junk. 

Sometimes I miss it so much that I cry. I cry from being exhausted & feeling unsettled & out of my comfort zone. 

I've been really blessed to work in an environment that provides space each morning to journal, read the Bible, and pray.  And through this daily practice, God has been teaching me a lot about "stuff." I've prayed a lot about the kind of treasure that is important to me, is it the treasure on this Earth that will remain here and rot and rust and not matter or do I want to invest in bringing Heaven to Earth and storing up my treasure in Heaven? I Timothy 6:10 says, "For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil.  And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows."   

I don't want my paycheck or the type of car that I drive or the amount of name-brand clothing in my closet to be the sum of me.  I don't want to be defined by my stuff.  Rather, I want to be intentional about cultivating a content heart.  Am I serving on a daily basis?  Am I loving others deeply?  Am I living in community with people who are teaching me and giving me space to grow in a mature and healthy way?  And I'm not saying money is bad or unimportant because Lord know it definitely is useful and necessary, but too much emphasis has been placed on this idea that money buys happiness.  And it's a big-time lie. 

So, I've decided that although I do want a good paycheck & steady job & a savings account to one day buy a house or travel to places I dream about, I really want the treasure in my life to be people, to be experiences, to be long conversations over endless cups of coffee.  I want my treasure to be my friends gathered around a table laughing and sipping red wine.  I want healthy relationships with family & friends & someday someone special.  I want my treasure to be sitting on a front porch with a good book in my hand and a beautiful sunset to enjoy.  I want to be in awe of God's creation and in love with the possibility of what life has to offer.  There is so much good in this world.  I want to taste it, feel it, see it. 

So my prayer is that each of us are challenged in our daily life to live more simply and not be defined by our "stuff".